Blake
He’s My Son (w/ update)
Tomorrow, Blake will be 24 weeks. If you count by weeks, he will be 6 months old. Technically, not 6 months until May 7th. Half a year; how can it be? I am madly in love with my sweet little boy. His personality has developed, and is still budding. I cannot wait to meet the person he will grow into being.
Tomorrow, Blake has a doctor’s appointment. His 6 month check-up. And, something more.
Recently, while rubbing his sweet little head, I felt something mushy. A swollen spot, on the outside of his skull. As I rubbed it, I felt a hard mass in the middle of the spot. I took him over to Jason, and asked Jason to feel it. Almost wishing, that I was imagining things. I wasn’t. I never saw this in the NICU, nor do my friends know what it could be. My mother felt the mass, and is worried. My grandmother, who raised 7 children of her own, doesn’t know what it is. It’s not going away, and the spot is getting larger- the hard spot is the size of a dime now.
Jason and I are taking him tomorrow to find out what it is.
I am trying to not worry. Not think of the worst. Words like cancer pop into my mind, and I grow scared. Try to joke it off, and hold Blake in front of Jason, speaking in a Arnold Schwarzenegger voice, “Daddy, I have a tumor”. It’s actually not funny, and is just a demonstration of my sick humor. My attempt to blow this off, that it is nothing. Hoping that, for once, I am being a hypochondriac, and reading into something that is normal. But, I run through his lifespan, and go down the list of possibilities. It’s not the result of a fall, or a bump into the head. Blake is always held, and well loved on. My delivery with him was normal; no forceps, or anything of that kind. I do things ingrained from years of being in the medical field; checking his pupils, his responsiveness. Monitoring him for any sudden strange jerks, or movements, or lethargy. Just waiting, until we find out what it is.
I’ve warned Jason, that if something were to happen to Blake, I would go ape-shit crazy. And, I’m not joking. All the procedures, the infertility, the losses, the depression- I was able to clear away the memories, and start new with the arrival of my son. It would be a cruel twist to life if something were to happen to him.
So, I pray. Pray, that everything is okay. Cry, as the lyrics of this song go through my head.
And, if you have a moment… Can you pray that this is nothing? Just something silly. Nothing serious… That, everything will be okay. Whoever you go on your knees to pray to- God, Jesus Christ, the barrista at the Starbucks counter… please think of us tomorrow morning at 9:30.
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All is well. But, we knew that. Right? The doctor felt around his head, and declared that it was a lymph node. She said that there is a string of connecting lymph nodes along the base of his skull, and when there is an infection, they become enlarged. They can move around also. Blake has an enlarged lymph node, but nothing to be worried about, she said.
He measured 27 inches (75% percentile), 18 lbs 15 oz (80%), and his head was 47 cm. (85%). She said that eye color is set by 6 months, and little boy blue he will remain. She was impressed with his strength- how he tries to pull himself up to sit when lying down, and how well he is sitting up. He has two ridges in his mouth, so teeth should be budding soon. We will start solids on May 7th, when he is officially 6 months old.
I feel silly for being so worried about his head. I mean, lymph nodes. Of course I knew that he had them. I just didn’t think that they would cause a swollen spot. Go figure. To celebrate, we went to Ikea. Yeah, we are crazy like that. We left with a bag of assorted Swedish crap. Seriously, there is no way you can get out of there without spending money.
We then went to Chuy’s for lunch, and I ordered a chuychanga with deluxe tomatillo sauce. Halfway through, I noticed a dead fly on my plate. I raised it up to show Jason, and our waitress, who was at the next table, saw it and immediately took my plate away. The manager came over, comped my meal and drink, and they boxed up a new one for us to take home.
What a day.
Discussion
28 comments for “He’s My Son (w/ update)”
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I just said a prayer for you. I hope it’s nothing. And there is NO way that he’s six months old yet. Wasn’t he just born like three weeks ago? Seriously.
Thinking of you.
Hoping and praying and finger crossing and wishing and asking all the deities that it’s nothing.
praying so hard this morning.
Thinking of you and your little one and praying!!
Me and my God don’t seem to be on the save wavelength of late so I’ll save you his wrath and wish you the very best of luck.
I’m sure it will be something trivial, the way he sleeps or something similar.
He is one super handsome little man, almost edible!
We’re praying for you hun…. please keep us updated.
I said a prayer for you. Let us know how it turned out.
Praying for your family, hoping that it’s nothing.
I said a prayer for you. Please let us know what you find out.
Praying for God’s loving hands to hold all of you in his grace. Miracle upon miracle, we want healthy happy babies. Little Blake needs to grow up to be a strong healthy man for you all to be proud of. Waiting to hear a trivial story that we can add to our “oh, I’ve heard of that before. It’s nothing.”
Praying, praying, praying for you, my friend. I will continue to pray until we get your update.
My prayers are with you and Blake. Don’t worry yourself, at this moment- worrying will get you nowhere. He is a healthy baby boy - everything will be OK
That is so scary. I’m thinking good thoughts for you.
sending lots of positive vibes your way - it’s the best I can do, since praying isn’t my thing. I wish you all the best, and can’t wait to read all about how it’s just a silly little bit of nothing to worry about!
mmmmm, chuy’s green jalapeno sauce…(sigh) I miss Austin. Good news about blake!
I’m glad to hear everything is ok. I was worried with you. I know that joking about these things is sometimes how we get through them. (We joke all the time about Hayleigh, calling her the Y2K baby saying she had the “glitch”, knowing it isn’t really funny but that’s just our way of dealing) Don’t ever feel silly for worrying. Always trust your mommy instincts. Always. In the end you’ll feel better knowing. Yay for a good appointment and yay for finding out your sweet boy is just as perfect as you already knew he was.
so glad to hear all is well.
we mommy’s sure know how to worry!
I’m glad everything turned out okay, and Blake is not hurt. He’s too cute for anything to happen to him.
what a relief. don’t feel silly… you are completely justified. he is so stinkin cute!
never feel silly for being a mama, a mama worried about her precious baby. That is what mama’s do. I am so glad all is well. He is adorable.
I’ll tell you a secret, you keep falling deeper and deeper in love, you think you couldn’t possibly but you do. Five years later and I am still doing it daily.
Take care and enjoy that ball of joy.
Wow - how did I miss seeing your post about there being sometime to worry about? Obviously, h-a-p-p-y to hear there’s nothing of concern, but would have loved to join in your prayer chain! Gawsh, you must have been worried sick! Thank goodness for Lymphnodes! And that it’s nothing hectic!
Wow - how did I miss seeing your post about there being something to worry about? Obviously, h-a-p-p-y to hear there’s nothing of concern, but would have loved to join in your prayer chain! Gawsh, you must have been worried sick! Thank goodness for Lymphnodes! And that it’s nothing hectic!
(And what a CUTE pic of him too!!!)
Found your blog via Lost and Found. Thank goodness it is nothing to worry about! You should never feel guilty about worrying about that precious boy of yours.
That suckers about the fly in your chuychanga. (BTW, that is my absolute fave thing to get there. I’ll have to do some digging and see if you are in my neck of the woods–don’t think there are too many Chuy’s outside of TX)
Thank God for healthy babies. Glad everything is good with Blake.
I’m delighted for you guys with the good news.
and he’s still a handsome devil!
Of course I’m so happy that little Blake is fine. Love the baby blues!
Oh man, so gross about the fly! Nice of them to take care it so quickly though.
I didn’t read this until this afternoon, but I still prayed for you and yours and am so relieved everything’s OK. Our little ones are so precious, aren’t they? Take care.